You might be one of those people who used to cringe at the words sippy cup, binky, or lovey. (What, in name of all things, is a freaking lovey? A pet rock? A british cousin?) And then something crazy happened: You became a parent. And you still cringed at those words BECAUSE THEY ARE TERRIBLE.
I love being a mom with every fiber of my pitocin-wrecked being. With every molecule of my levitating-into-the-sky-with-the-bliss-of-motherhood soul. I really do! There is so much about becoming a mother that turns your world upside-down, deletes everything you thought you knew, and pummels you from angles unexpected. But do we really have to start talking like complete morons, too?
Now before you go sending me hate mail or posting nasty comments, let me be clear: this is not your fault! Did you invent these words? I didn't think so. We all use them because they have become like Kleenex, Google, and Xerox. (Still scratching my sleep-derived head. . . what are those called?) So. I am proposing a change. A swift and immediate change. A Mothers Right To Talk Intelligently grass roots movement, if you will. If you have ever heard yourself speaking and thought to yourself: DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD? Pass this post along.
Five Words That Need to Be Immediately Deleted From Motherhood: (Unless you are in the privacy of your own home, in which case, GO NUTS.)
1. Sippy Cup. Am I the only one who hates this word? I'm sure a kid came up with it, and it sounded cute at first. But whoever thought of it probably did not think about the fact that kids would be drinking from these things for years and mothers everywhere would be saying: Babe, where's your sippy cup? Sweetie, you dropped your sippy cup! That's not your sippy cup! Sippy cup! Sippy Cup! SIPPY CUP! AHHHHH!
2. Mommy and Me. Now. Please, don't get me wrong. I love taking my kids to classes and having quality time with them. I'm serious! It's my favorite part of motherhood: you and your wee one, just chillin. I just would like to think we could come up with a much cooler name for what we are doing all the time. Don't you think?
3. Lovey. I seriously had no idea what this was until I Googled it. Moms I met would say: She sleeps so much better with the lovey! The lovey is getting so dirty! I was thinking: I'm very confused. . . are these people talking about Hugh Grant's girlfriend?
4. Playdate. I am not an actual fire-breathing monster, and I am bracing myself for your diaper bag strangle lock, but I have to say it: this one is lame too. Can't we just say "let's get together" or, I don't know, we could get really creative . . . "come over?"
5. Binky. I'm sorry, but where did this word even come from? Binky? It sounds like a bad name for one of those Paris Hilton purse dogs. I'll accept Scream Silencer. Or Baby Drag. Or maybe an acronym like MFSI (Mother Freakin Sleep Inducer!)
A day of playdates, picking up dropped binkies, and filling sippy cups doesn't always elicit intellectual dialect, but it can.
We are the ones talking, remember?
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